I’m A Proud Fake Hands-on Mom

This blog post is dedicated to the following admirable ladies:

  • the mom who planned her family wisely—to her who was responsible enough to plan her pregnancy when she felt that she and her husband were financially, emotionally, mentally and physically ready (or at least capable).  I’m sure your planning contributes a lot why you are able to balance everything now.  You’re a great mom!
  • the mom who patiently teaches and monitors her toddler’s yaya.  We know it’s frustrating especially when yayas don’t seem to listen or when they suddenly leave, but still you hire and train and monitor.  You’re a great mom and a patient teacher!
  • the mom who makes an effort to look presentable in social gatherings.  Even if you haven’t bathed for days, you took time to prettify for that gathering.  The act respects the event you’re attending.  And yes, we know, it feels good to look at yourself in the mirror and realize you still have “it”.  You’re a great mom, a lovely wife, and a respectful guest!

So anong hanash ito?  My mommy blogger friend Glaiza shared the article “How to Spot Fake Hands-on Mom of Toddlers” on her Facebook page.  I got intrigued and so I read it.  The following are the criteria in identifying the fakes, and I inspected myself based on them:

  • Long, manicured, nail polished fingernails – nope!  My fingernails are stubby and polish-less
  • Cannot answer what the last poo looked like – yes I can!
  • Goes out with a toddler in heels and with jewelry – hmmm…I don’t think wedges and pearl studs count

Even though I never thought of myself ever as a hands-on mom, I was relieved because based on this article’s litmus test, I am in the authentic hands-on mom category even if I’m a working mom.

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But later I realized that this article may be guilty of mom-shaming.  You know, it’s when a mom or a certain goup of moms herald that a certain type of mommyhood is superior over another style.

And this article is mom-shaming at its finest. It is making heroes out of the perceived “victims” (i.e., losyang hands-on-moms) by generalizing that the fresh-looking and still-pretty moms as fakes and great pretenders.  This is really bad, because this makes the alleged “fake hands-on moms” feel guilty for being able to balance different facets in her life.  It also makes the “real hands-on moms” feel that they have every excuse to play the “I’m a hands-on mom” card every time they put off doing anything else.  And it also makes the “real hands-on mom” grip with panic while thinking, “Oh sh*t that means I’m really in this rabbit hole until my child turns 7!”

Before I proceed, I wanna know: What exactly is the definition of a hands-on mom?  Is this literal, as in you do everything by hand?  Or does it include moms who may not be washing their kids’ bum after pooping but are overseeing everything else about their kids’ lives?  Me thinks the author is only talking about the former.  And that’s really unfair because I believe that there are different ways of being a hands-on mom (and it’s obvious that based on the article, only the hands-on moms deserve all the applause).

I believe hands-on moms include those who stay up late researching the best schools for their kids, those who read up countless books to know the best way to discipline her child, those who learn to prepare and cook healthy foods, those who manage the nannies and the entire household well, those who homeschool their kids, and the list goes on.  It’s a shame that the article’s author—in her quest to justify a mom looking losyang—had to make those who are not like her feel like fakes.  And please, glamorous poses and posts lang sa social media, fake na agad?!?

The photos above were taken when our family went on a 4-day tour to Hong Kong last year.  Just the three of us—no yaya, no travel agent, no chauffeur, nada!  We rode buses and MTRs and walked a loooot! If you haven’t read our story, READ! Super haggard ‘yan.  And yet I don’t think I look losyang in these pictures!  At bakit kamo ako may nail polish?  Well, ever heard of gel nail polish?  You know—yung kahit kinutkot ko na ayaw pa ring matanggal.

[Read more…]

Prince Raviv at the Cinderella Block Screening

Advertorial

These days, Raviv would always wear a grin every time the Cinderella trailer is shown on Disney Junior.  That’s because it always reminds him of the fun time we had last Sunday when we were among those who were invited by PLDT to watch the block screening of Cinderella at Shangri-La Plaza Mall.

A day or two before the event, I was told to dress Raviv up in a prince costume. I didn’t know where to look for a prince costume!  So I thought I’ll just buy at Megamall hours before the event.  Buuuuut!!!  Even after I almost rounded up the whole of SM Megamall, nada!  So what does a mom do?  But of course, I had to be creative and think outside the box! I spotted a Vampire costume and I thought to myself, hmmm, pwede!  Then when I saw that Raviv was wearing his blue and orange rubber shoes, palpak! Good thing I brought with us his pirate costume, whose pants had its own “boots”.

Now all that’s missing is a crown!  But if I thought looking for a prince or king or any crown that doesn’t have frou-frou was easy, I was sooo wrong!  Inikot ko ang Megamall, and nada!  So I thought I should just make Raviv’s crown.  One hour before the event I hurried to National Bookstore to buy cardboard and some beads.  Then I called the owner of Gymboree Megamall and asked if I could use their Arts Room to create Raviv’s crown.  Time check: 30 minutes to go!  After 10 minutes, voila!

DIY Prince Crown made in less than five minutes!

Are you excited to see how eveything turned out?!?  Here’s my little prince:

He’s dashing, I know!

I must say, my Amorcito looked every inch like a prince. Who would have thought that 1/3 vampire costume + 1/3 pirate costume + 1/3 DIY crown is equal to a dashing prince? A dashing prince who even bagged the 3rd Place Best in Costume! Partida, makeshift lang ‘yang costume na ‘yan!

When we arrived at Cravings for the pre-movie press conference, people gushed at Raviv’s costume…probably because while princesses abound, there was a dearth of princes.  LOL!

Raviv had so much fun posing with Princess Kat and other princesses

While Raviv was having fun outside, I too was really excited for him as I listened intently to PLDT’s announcement at the Press Conference: Disney is now on PLDT Telpad!!!

Leading telecommunications and multimedia provider PLDT has expanded its multi-year, multi-platform partnership with The Walt Disney Company Southeast Asia, through its digital entertainment arm Disney Interactive, to bring the broadest offering of exciting Disney content to the PLDT Group’s over 75 million mobile and broadband subscribers nationwide!

Princess Kath with PLDT HOME Vice President and HOME Marketing Head Gary Dujali

Princess Kath and PLDT Vice President and HOME Voice Solutions Head Patrick Tang

This means that PLDT HOME subscribers like us can access over 300 online games through the Disney Portal, which will be hosted in the PLDT HOME website www.pldthome.com!  In addition, PLDT HOME Telpad subscribers will be able to download hundreds of Disney games and e-books by just clicking the Disney widget on their Telpads. We also get a PLDT Home DSL speed boost when we subscribe to the Disney package.  And to jazz up our PLDT Telpads, we can purchase limited edition skins that change every month or everytime there’s a new Disney movie! Cinderella, Avengers, Mickey Mouse—you name it and Disney on Telpad has got it!

Isn’t that great?  So many people have said that the advent of technology has broken the bond of families. But that doesn’t have to be the case. Remember that the strongest connections are at home!  As PLDT’s cute commercials have shown us, technology can actually bond families together (I love the Fam Cam—imagine feeling being so close to your kids even when you’re far). Like for our family. In the times that Raviv will be using the Telpad, it doesn’t mean that Randy and I will be allowing him to use it just so we could sneak away from him.  No. What excite me are activities and games we can do together.  Pretty much like when we do mazes and dot-to-dot on books—he’ll ask me to help him or at least watch him (and expect oooohs-and-aaaahhs and “Wow my amorcito is so smart!” from me).  Same goes for the Telpad. I imagine that Raviv and I will get overwhelmed with the myriad of Disney games and activities, and excitedly try them together!  I’m especially excited for Raviv because I’m confident that Disney games are not just “safe” but are also educational!  And I’m also psyched with the e-books!  I’m a bibliophile, and even though Raviv can’t read yet, he is bound to be a bibliophile as well! Raviv always, always asks us to read him stories all through the day (and night!), and with these downloadable e-books, we won’t run out of stories for him!

Since PLDT has been doing so many innovations lately, I suggest that you guys also follow them on their social media accounts so we will always be in the loop of the what’s latest (bonus: they also give ideas how to use technology to strengthen family bonds!)

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/PLDTHome

Instagram: https://instagram.com/pldthome

Twitter: https://twitter.com/pldthome

Why I Refuse to Get Angry

Last week, my batchmates in high school and classmates in college were all shocked to hear a very devastating news: our batchmate, Jerico Tolentino, passed away. Jerico and I weren’t really close, for he was a man of very few words.  Very few.  And you all know how much of a chatterbox I am.  But looking back, I realized that we shared so many things together: we were classmates in high school, we were in the COCC together, we used to share a jeepney going home (because I used to live in Forestry in high school just as he did), and we were even blocmates at UP.  He was the sort of guy who keeps to himself, and someone a bully would leave alone because there was nothing annoying about him.  Absolutely nothing.  He’s someone you would respect, and whose rare smile would also make you smile.  He passed away in Hamburg, Germany, where he’s been working and living for just two months.  Like many others, I am also curious when his remains would be brought back home so I could pay my final respects.  So I visit his Facebook page every now and then.

I have read many touching messages/wall posts to a dearly departed on Facebook.  But none of them stuck in my head the way Jerico’s wife’s wall post did:

What struck me most there was that in their six years of being together, they never fought.  My kneejerk reaction to that was that it was so unusual and seemingly abnormal.  But when I read further, I understood:

“You said life is too short to dabble in petty things.”

Like Jerico’s wife, I, too, agree.  I feel that life was so unfair to Jerico, for he passed away too soon.  Too soon!  He’s my age, for crying out loud!  At this point, my constant prayer is always for Randy and me to live long enough to see and play with Raviv’s grandchildren.  Life, despite and in spite of everything, is still too beautiful to leave behind quickly.

Perhaps Jerico felt the same way—that life is beautiful.  But he was wiser.  While many of us would want to be like a phoenix rising from its ashes when we are slighted (and then take our battle to social media to elicit sympathies and perhaps make our complaint go viral), Jerico decided to keep quiet and remain…happy.  He just wanted to laugh, cry with happiness, and get smothered in love.  And I guess, most people would prefer a short life like that than a long life full of hatred and bitterness.

But oh, if we could live long lives full of joy and love and peace, wouldn’t that be pure bliss?

[Read more…]

Randy the Proud “Feeling New Tatay Again” and the Bitch He Got Pregnant!

Yesterday, Raviv and I were invited to watch the block screening of Cinderella at Shangri-La Plaza.  It’s part of my project with PLDT Telpad—because Disney is now on PLDT Telpad!  It’s all very exciting and I’m gonna tell you more about it on a separate post.

Two days before the event, I was told to dress up Raviv in a prince costume. And honestly naloka ako sa kakahanap ng prince costume.  Every nook and cranny of department stores there are all kinds of princess costumes with all the effects and abubots, but there was nary a prince costume!  Not even a prince crown!  Or kahit anong crown na buo na walang balahibo!  Then I realized why there was a dearth of prince costumes: I have yet to meet a little boy who fantasizes of being garbed in fancy clothing to pursue a “beautiful princess” just to dance and sing with her.  Kaya siguro walang prince costumes.

Buuuut, being the ever innovative and resorceful mommy that I am, nagawan ko nang paraan.  And what’s the result?  My Amorcito won 3rd place Best in Costume yesterday.  The 2nd and 1st places went to princesses (but I think, if only the judges knew how difficult it was to come up with a prince costume, there’d be no contest and Raviv would have won 1st place).

Anyway, aside from Raviv’s triumph and our watching of Cinderella, the bigger news is that Randy missed all of these yesterday!!!  Yes, he failed to see his son smiling for the cameras whose flashes kept blinking on his face in front of a theater in a roomful of people!

Baket kamo?  Kasi busy at aligaga ang lolo natin.  Actually, he has refused to leave home since last week.

Why?

That’s because he got a bitch pregnant, and he has been taking care of that bitch.

Yes, bitch talaga!  Am I bitter that I’m calling this preggers a bitch?  Bitter maybe a bit, but I swear to you she’s a total bitch.  Wanna take a look so I can prove to you whatta bitch she is?  Here:

[Read more…]

The Trouble with Hello is Goodbye

(Draft written on March 10, 2015)

Hello!  Does any of you know that song? :)

Sorry if ang lakas makapang-tanders ng title…I’m an old soul when it comes to music.  And I can’t help but rewind and rewind the last part of that haunting smooth jazz by June Christy.  But it’s really the theme of my last week.

As I have promised, I’m gonna give anyone who cares a hoot a round-up of my last week’s mga ganap.

Warning:  this is full of nega stories, sorry.

First goodbye

OK.  So like what I said on my previous blog post, the first two days of last week were uneventful.  Wala lang.  But on Tuesday night, the drama started.  Our three helpers finally spoke out how our “mayordoma” (who was on her dayoff) treated them.  All of them were unanimous in saying that when we’re out (which is very common these days..we’re out of the house 3-4 days a week), she does her personal chores and neglects her tasks.  Worse, she maltreats them daw.  As in one of our female helpers said that she cries herself to sleep every night and that the sight of their leader makes her tremble in fear.  I was not supposed to believe this right away, but just hours before that I got furious when I heard her talk to Randy over the phone.  Grabe, ang bastos.  Everyone in the office who heard her (she was on loudspeaker and she knew it) was astounded that she had the gall to use that tone of voice to Randy.  Like when Randy told her that since she did not want to come with us to Sta. Rosa when we’re there 3-4x a week, she has to get our other helper’s tasks (who comes with us), which included doing the laundy and ironing the clothes (kasi ano pang gagawin n’ya when we’re not around, di ba?), she actually told Randy, “Ano ipapasa n’yo sa akin ang trabaho ni April?!?”  Grabe.  So on Friday we decided to let her go.  Randy texted her that we were letting her go.  As usual, ang bastos nanaman ng dating ng reply.  All the more we felt that we made the right decision.  Kesehodang magkulang kami ng tao at ang mahal ng ibinayad namin sa agency sa pagkuha sa kanya, good riddance still.

Second goodbye

On Thursday, I briefly went to the mall with Raviv and his yaya to buy Raviv’s long-sleeved polo shirt for his priest costume.  While at the mall, I noticed that his yaya was shaking.  I asked whether she was OK.  She said she felt sick.  I told her to rest when we get home and I’ll just take care of Raviv.  At home, I told Randy what happened with yaya.  He said he suspected that yaya was really preggers.  He mentioned that to me weeks ago, but I refused to believe him.

I really, really like this yaya of Raviv.  She’s the best we’ve ever had so far: she is neat, very smart, diligent, and even speaks English well.  As in.  May linya pa ‘yan kay Raviv na, “Don’t whine Raviv”.  WHINE!!!  O ‘di ba?  While I admit that I feel like she doesn’t really love Raviv as much as Yaya Isay or Yaya Gigi did, I still like her because of the qualities I’ve mentioned.  In fact, I wanted to reward her by promoting her to being a teacher’s aide at Gymboree, ‘coz she really deserves it.

Anyway, back to the preggers issue.  I asked our office secretary what she knew.  She confirmed Randy’s suspicions that yaya was pregnant.  Almost 3 months.  Homaygas.  The father is our dogs’ caretaker.  We felt really bad because we had such high hopes and great plans for yaya.  In fact, Randy and I discussed that we would increase her salary next month.  Now I don’t know.  She’ll be MIA for a long time.  And I don’t know whether we would adopt her “new family” just as we did with Yaya Isay and Dodong.

Third goodbye

Speaking of buntisan, I have another sad news.  Remember our former helper who was (again!) impregnated by our former dog caretaker (na ayaw panagutan)?  Yesterday her sister called and informed us that her baby died the day after it was born.  Sigh, nakakalungkot.

You might get angry at me but… [Read more…]

Wardrobe Diary #69: Black & White at the End of the Rainbow (March 6, 2015)

Happy Monday everyone!  How was last week for you?  I hope it went great!  As for Familia Ladaga, the magic sentence is:  The trouble with “Hello” is “Goodbye”.  O di ba?  Actually, the first half of this week was kinda uneventful.  Chill-chill lang.  But on the later (pasingit:  I was supposed to write “letter”, but I changed my mind because “latter” is the opposite of “former”, whereas “later” is the opposite of “earlier”…’di ba? #GrammarNaziMode) part of the week, it kinda became madrama.  Later post on that, because   this is a Wardrobe Diary entry!  So lemme show you what I wore on Friday to the program at Raviv’s school:

  • white top: Plains & Prints
  • lace pencil skirt: from a stall at Bobae Market in Bangkok
  • belt: Marks & Spencer
  • yellow wedge sandals: Figliarina
  • bag: LV Multicolore Alma
  • sunglasses: Sunnies by Charlie

I wore this ensemble para hindi masyadong halata how fat I’ve become.  Because I did gain a lot of weight!  But don’t worry, I haven’t had much appetite since Friday.  And I hope my very hearty appetite doesn’t return anytime soon.

Anyway, back to Friday. Pormal-pormalan tayo dahil ang anak ko ay…

Yes, Raviv came as a priest last Friday. See, the children at Raviv’s school were supposed to come wearing a community worker costume.  If you remember, Raviv wowed the crowd last year as a taho vendor.  This year, I wanted something unique again.  Even though I very badly want Raviv to be a surgeon (in real life), I knew that the “doctor” outfit would be very common.  But since I had no time to prepare and shop for his outfit-ey, I figured that a priest outfit will do.  Simple lang eh: black long-sleeves, black pants, DIY cross, DIY vicar’s collar and DIY Bible and voila, we have a priest!

‘Yun lang when Raviv was asked during their program what he was, he didn’t know what he was because we are not Catholics.

Anywho, Randy and I came in full force to Raviv’s program because (sob) that was Raviv’s last day at his very first school.  So even though both Raviv and I had fever that day, we still made a point to come (at dahil sayang din ang mga DIY priest accessories na ginawa ko the night before).  Laklak na lang muna ng paracetamol.  Moreover, we were eager to see Raviv finally perform in front.  Remember I used to share with you guys how sad I was that Raviv was too shy?  But you know, ever since he also started going to Gymboree, that changed.  This isn’t to say that his school did nothing about his social skills…it’s just that Gymboree seemed to work wonders with him.  Promise.  Like last Tuesday, a mom who inquired at Gymboree sounded so amused when she related that she met Raviv downstairs. When Raviv heard her asking about Gymboree, Raviv volunteered: “ I’m the owner of Gymboree.  You may play there but not for too long.  Ten minutes lang.”  Kalokang bata!  Randy and I were really surprised because Raviv used to be painfully shy!

So we weren’t that at all surprised when Raviv finally joined his classmates in performing in front!  He may not have been the best dancer, but my heart swelled with pride when I saw him shaking his body and mouthing the lyrics of the song!

And since it was his last day at his school, he was given his certificate.  The school also said goodbye to him. :(  Sad.

But most heartbreaking of all was that he would be separated from his first ever bestfriend, Marcus.

Raviv and Marcus go a long way back.  They went to Rainbow almost the same time, and now they’re also leaving Rainbow at the same time.  They’ve been friends for so long, naging magkamukha na rin sila!  Like last Wednesday when I fetched Raviv, his classmate Sophia called out to him and said, “Bye Marcus!”  Raviv explained to me that Sophia may have said that because “Same kami ng face ni Marcus e!”  Whenever you ask Raviv who his favorite friend, classmate or playmate is, he’d always say, “Marcus!” without batting an eyelash. So when we told him he was leaving Rainbow, he said he was OK with it—Marcus was leaving, too.  But when we told him that Marcus and he would be going to different schools, he said he didn’t want to be separated from Marcus.  Awwwww!

During luncheon after the program, Randy caught Raviv and Marcus under the buffet table comparing their costumes and naughtily “scaring” the younger kids walking near the buffet table.  And then would laugh heartily.  Randy took photos of the two, and no words are needed to describe how these two are each other’s first ever best friends: [Read more…]

Raviv’s Dinosaur-Themed Gymboree Birthday Party Part 1: The DIY Decor & Aesthetics

Finally more than two months after, I’m now blogging about mi amocito’s super fun and super DIY birthday party at Gymboree Sta. Rosa! This time around, the theme was dinosaurs!  Raviv’s interest in dinosaurs was recycled.  Perfect, because Gymboree already has a customized dinosaur-themed play & learn birthday party celebration.

Since I knew that I’d be fulfilling one of my passions—event styling—through Gymboree, I decided to make Raviv’s party super DIY.  As in no catering, no chairs supplier, everything will be done by me and “my team”.  That way, we could already practice our artistic prowess (naks!) in case someone who books a Gymboree party in Sta. Rosa also opts to get an upgrade and have customized and special decors.

So without further ado, here are the details:

 

The Venue

Raviv’s birthday party was held at the room adjacent to the Gymboree playfloor.  The room was really bare and had a low ceiling.

DIY Dinosaur Party Set-up 

Tables and chairs

Since I had no catering, I had to make use of Brain Train’s existing monobloc tables and chairs on top of Gymboree’s colorful kiddie tables and chairs.  Since the monobloc chairs look so plain, I bought some cloth as and had a seamstress create table cloth and table runners out of them.  I would have wanted to cover the chairs as well, but since we were running out of time, I just put a rosette with dinosaur foam shapes on each chair.

DIY dinosaur party chair

It was matrabaho, yes, but it definitely made the place look hundreds of times better.

 

The Ceiling drops

I used latex and mylar polka-dot balloons to further prettify the place.  But the highlight among the ceiling drops were the diosaur pompoms that Yaya Beth and I painstakingly made.

DIY dinosaur birthday party pompoms

I would like to say that it’s easy to do that, but we actually had several tries before we perfected it.  Once we were able to discover how to properly do it, medyo dumali na rin.

 

The Invitation

DIY dinosaur birthday party invitation

If you’ve been following my blog since Raviv’s first birthday party, then you’d know how maarte I am when it comes to invitations.  I’m almost allergic to generic, impersonal invitations. #sorrybutnotsorry  Thus, career kung career ang invitation ni Raviv.  I designed the dinosaur cut-out (I just looked for an image of dinasaur online and took it from there).  Then I bought cardboard and cut out the “cracked egg” shapes.  But the most madugo part is the green mosaic you see—that’s real egg shells that I’ve painted, dried, pound, and stuck to the invitation.  Yes, I rounded up our neighbors and asked for their egg shells for 50 handmade invitations.  Sulit din naman because people gushed how cute Raviv’s invitation was!

[Read more…]

You Wanna Know What Love Is?

Before February ends, I want to share with you what I have learned about love in the past years.  I am in my guru mood, so pagbigyan n’yo na.

Disclaimer muna:  I’m no love expert—I hold no psychology degree, I don’t avidly attend seminars about love or relationships (never did)…heck, I don’t even read self-help books on love and relationships (or any book from the Self-Help Section in particular)!  And Randy and I still have regular shouting matches and cold wars.
Now what gives me the credibility to talk about love?  Because I have been in love with the same man for more than a decade, and I know he has been with me for a longer period of time (lagot siya sa akin kung hindi!)  It’s still a relatively short period of time for many, but it’s also a long period of time for some.  So for whatever it’s worth, I want to share with you things that I’ve learned about love for the past years, which I deem are nuggets of wisdom.  I’ll do away with the pa-awwww and pa-witty definitions of love.  Andaling i-Google ng mag yun.  But what I’ll be sharing with you are my personal realizations about love.  These are from the heart, from humbling and humiliating moments, through tears and laughters.

1. Love can’t exist without respect.  Have you ever experienced being in love with someone and yet you still fantasize about cheating?  I did.  In retrospect, I realized that I was like that because I did not respect the person I was in a relationship with.  I just felt I was in love, but because I did not respect them, I still had wandering eyes and wondering mind.  Of course those relationships miserably failed.  With Randy though, I would feel guilty and feel really bad when I cheat on him—get this—in my dreams!  Alam n’yo ‘yung sa panaginip n’yo may ginawa kayong kalokohan and in that same dream I would cry and feel anguish and fear because darn—I cheated on Randy!  Ganun.  That’s how I respect him and yes, fear him.  I guess I respected Randy because at the onset, I knew he wasn’t in this relationship just for fun.  I knew he was in it for the long haul, and he was a great catch that I didn’t want to do anything to ruin our relationship.

2. To stay in love is a decision and a commitment.  This is what many fail to realize.  You know when I was young, I used to believe that when the person I’m in a relationship with falls in love with another person, I have to let go without any anger.  In fact, I felt I had no right to get angry because hello—that’s what he feels, ‘di ba?  Mako-control ba ang feelings?!? Well, the answer is, “Yes.”  I guess the “decision” part takes a certain level of maturity, that’s why immature young ones should stay away from getting married.  And when you are in a committed relationship and you respect the person you’re in the relationship with, you actually decide to stay in love.  We should not rely on our “feelings”, because they’re very unstable.  Haller, I’ve felt like punching Randy and pulling out his hair and kicking his butt hundreds of times already.  I’m sure he felt the same way too, thousands of times pa!  There were also times we considered separating because we just hated each other so much!  But here we still are.  Why?  Because we want to make our relationship work.  We both do.  We know that the hatred we feel toward each other is fleeting, and if we let our feeling of being annoyed rule over us, we wouldn’t have lasted even for a month.  Remember, the head is above the heart.  If you let your feelings rule over your sensibilities and commitments, please don’t ever get married.  The hot-and-heavy aka honeymon period doesn’t last forever, keep that in mind!  And when it ends, marriage isn’t something you chunk almost without a fight and just say, “OK I made a mistake, but I deserve to be free and have a chance at happiness again.” [Read more…]

Wardrobe Diary #68: It’s All About Love (Feb. 14, 2015)

My Valentine’s date story hasn’t ended yet!!!  So please, please allow me to relish my Valentine’s date.  But before that, let me show you first my Valentine’s Day outfit:

Here I was by our hotel room door at Acacia Hotel before having breakfast:

And here I was at the Acaci Restaurant after a very satisfying breakfast:

Sequined shift dress: Culte Femme

Bag: Marc Jacobs Stam

Ballet flats: Yosi Samra

You know, I had second thoughts about wearing a shift dress because shift dresses tend to make me shapeless.  And looking at the photos above, medyo nga.  But this Culte Femme dress looked and felt so good to wear that I took the risk.  Besides, the fact that its waist wasn’t cinched was perfect because I planned to eat a lot. ;)

Anyway, back to our date.  So Randy and I had a scrumptious buffet breakfast at Acaci Restaurant.  That’s part of our Valentine’s package at Acacia Hotel. [Read more…]

Reminder to Self: Do not be overprotective!

I feel sad today.  It started as a happy day, but things went to a disparate turn when I received an email.  I will no longer delve into it as that would make me unhappier, but the cause of my unhappiness reminded me again of something:  that parental love—that pure, unconditional love we have for our children—could be the reason why our kids don’t realize their full potentials.  Or worse, the reason why they suck at being a good friend, subordinate, spouse, or even a parent.

I’ve read and heard that “a mother’s love for her child is so great and unparalleled, blah-blah-blah” a gazillion times, that such declarations have become trite and unmeaningful for me.  Until I became a mom myself.  It was then that I realized that the “exagerrated accounts” of a mother’s love were no exaggerations…they may even be suppressions of the greatmess of the miracle of being able to love the way moms love their kids.

You changed my life in a moment, and I’ll never be the same again…

When I became a mom, seeing my one-year old Raviv being told, “You are not our friend!” (by an older girl whose mom did not even berate) pained me more than any heartbreak I have ever experienced.

Seeing him having trouble breathing because of clogged nose made me act as though he had a life-threatening disease.
Seeing him being appreciated by people whose guts I hated made me treasure such people, while seeing him snubbed by people I loved made me hate these peole’s guts.

Indeed, being a parent is nothing short of a miracle.  It’s like discovering another compartment in your heart and only your child could unlock and occupy it.  Nothing bad can be said about the pureness and nobleness of a mother’s love.

But this same love may also hinder our children from being the best that they could be, as this love makes us overprotective and always biased for our children.

More and more studies have authenticated that children of overprotective parents are risk aversive, have difficulty making decisions, and lack the wherewithal to become successful in life. Furthermore, children of overprotective parents cannot deal adequately with hardships and other frustrations of life. In other words, they have very low tolerance for frustration- they crumble at the first sign of frustration.

- lifted from THIS WEBSITE

If there’s anything good that the email I received yesterday did me, it always reminds me to raise Raviv not just to satisfy my maternal instincts, but for him to satisfy the other roles in his life.  It (along with the other instances connected to it) makes me promise that I will raise Raviv in such a way that:

  1. He honors his commitments.
  2. He does not easily give up.
  3. He acknowledges his mistake and owns up to it.
  4. He knows the world does not revolve around him.
  5. He knows we will love him no matter what, but there will be times he has to be alone.

It really saddens me to see good kids with great potentials “debackboned” by parents who think that just because it’s their kid, everyone else has to be understanding and make allowances.  Anyone who hurts their kids are automatically bad people.

So allow me to give myself a pat on the back for biting my tongue on the two instances I saw Raviv being bullied.  It hurt, yes, but like what I said, I always have to remember that (1) Raviv has to learn to deal with problems, and (2) Raviv isn’t always right.

When I realized how much I love my son, I knew I had to rein myself from being an overprotective mom. I would always remind myself that “a diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well”. Let us make our kids extra special by teaching them integrity, honor, honesty, responsibility and independence.
Let us remember that our kid is not just our kid; he/she is also someone’s friend, classmate, and student. Eventually he/she will become a spouse, parent, employee or boss. Our kid being “our kid” is but a speck of all the roles he/she will play in his/her lifetime. And each role has its own challenges whose goal is to make a diamond out of him/her.