Randy and my conversation late afternoon as we were taking care of and playing with a super likot Raviv…
Randy: Kanina naluha ako nung naisip ko si Raviv.
Me: Bakit? Ano’ng naisip mo?
Randy: ‘Yung love ko sa kanya. Kanina asa Festival Mall ako, nakita ko ‘yung mga dinosaur (malamang statues or toys), bigla kong naisip pag lumaki-laki na si Raviv dadalhin ko siya dito, tuwang-tuwa sigurado siya.
What Randy said moved me for the nth time. It’s no surprise he said those about Raviv, because he always expresses how much he loves our son. He’s such a great dad, and I honestly never expected he’d be this crazy about our son. For one, it seemed I was more fond of children. Two, I used to ask him whether it’d be OK if I don’t bear any child, and he said he was OK with it. Three, he really wanted a girl because he wasn’t close to his Papa (whereas her sisters were). So I was afraid he’d just “love” Raviv because he has to. But no, I’ve seen how our son lights up his day! Anything and everything are below Raviv.
About two weeks ago, our driver Dodong and I were talking on our way home. For some reason, he shyly mentioned that he thinks Raviv loves his Tatay more (than me) and that Randy seems to love Raviv more (than I do). I felt happy–this is exactly what I wanted. I love Raviv so so so much! If Randy loves him more, I am just so happy. And about Raviv loving his Tatay more, no problem with me. In fact, I want to wire him that way. I grew up in a household where love and support are everywhere. And despite the wrestling matches my brother and I had, we both know we love each other to death. Plus, our extended family is superb! My aunts and uncles love me so much as well. In every milestone of my life, no matter where they come from, they’re there tho celebrate and grieve with me. Randy didn’t have that. Thus I want him to feel loved by Raviv. Besides, I’d rather that Raviv become a papa’s boy rather than a mama’s boy. I want Raviv to inherit his father’s diligence and discipline. I even swore to myself that should Randy and I separate, I’ll NEVER ever use Raviv as leverage for Randy to cater to my whims. I’ll NEVER be the reason why Raviv might think he isn’t loved by his Tatay, or be the reason why he missed having his Tatay.
Raviv, I hope you read this blog entry someday especially when you think your Tatay is being too hard on you, or when you feel as though he doesn’t love you. As you may know, your Tatay is sometimes insensitive. Please don’t ever disrespect him or cease loving him—whatever rebellious thoughts are running in your mind, stop them! Don’t believe the small BI voice telling you that your Tatay doesn’t care about you, or that he does things just to humiliate you or simply to make things hard for you. That’s pure bull. He may commit mistakes that might cost you, but he’s only human. But he’s a human who loves you very, very much.