Naku naku naku naku!
yesterday the other night while I was feeling guilty going home late because of our play, I started considering not having a baby anymore–that Raviv would be enough. And then Randy came home today yesterday making parinig (shucks, ang konyo ko!) that he wants a daughter. He spent about 20 minutes raving about a cute, bibo girl he saw at the hospital, telling me that although he is already very happy with Raviv, he still thinks a daughter could bring a different kind of joy. And prior to that when we brought Raviv to school this morning he was also saying that if I get pregnant this year it would just be perfect because Raviv and his sibling would have three-year gap just like him and his younger sister. Randy even added that he doesn’t think it’s too early for Raviv to have a sibling. But when I kept silent about the matter he made a halt and said that he isn’t rushing anyway, pero mukhang disappointed.
Pero eto ka. He said that he overheard the dad of the pretty girl say that before his wife gave birth to his precious angel, they had four boys. I repeat, FOUR BOYS muna bago lumabas ‘yung batang babae. Again, FOUR BOYS!
Don’t get me wrong ha? Raviv is a constant source of happiness for me and Randy–happiness that I have never imagined possible. Kahit pag-utot niya at baho ng paa niya naaliw ako. In fact, gusto ko pa ang amoy. Intoxicating, hehe. I love my son so so so so much! I know so because when I put him to sleep in his bedroom (pero ‘pag tulog na ililipat din sa kwarto namin) with open french windows, I imagine us being attacked by a manananggal, and I was surprised because when I visualized that scenario I saw myself hugging Raviv furiously and warding off the scary beast with all my might. To think alam kong duwag ako. Now I get it when they say that a bitch (dog) becomes bitchier (hehe) when she has babies.
I might sound like an awful mom for saying this but I’m just acknowledging the pink elephant in the room: another kid would just bring me back to scratch.
I don’t think I am ready for another round of this series –> morning sickness for 3 months –> happy two months –> aching back and feet until the ninth month –> labor for 24 hours –> sleepless nights and aching nipples and aching stitched vajayjay for two months –> rest ng konti for 6 months (pero losyang) –> habol-habol sa gapang at lakad until I don’t know when (because I’m doing it until now)!
So even though I’ve also craved for a daughter for a long time (oh yes I did!), I actually started seriously conditioning my mind that I’ll never have a daughter–that having only one kid isn’t really bad.
Since I’m confused and do not really have a conclusion in mind, let me just share what Dr. Miranda Bailey of Grey’s Anatomy said about the best time to have a baby when asked by a childless colleague:
“The best time to have kids is never. They cry all the time – nonstop. They never sleep. They are terrible conversationalists and they take everything you’ve got. All your time, all your focus, all your patience, all your sleep – everything so you’ve got nothing left for you.
“But this morning lil Tuck woke me up by putting his nose, his cold little nose up to mine and he goes, “wake up.” He got the “k” sounds in wake. See until today, he’d say “d” instead of “k” – “wade up.” Girl, him nailing that “k” sound, the pride I felt, the irrational, unbridled joy – it’s as good as any Whipple. But if you’re waiting for the perfect time to have kids, you’re never going to have kids.”
Tell me what you think!
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