A fat what?
I read somewhere that networks issue “fat memos” to their talents who are tipping the scale to the heavy side. Recently, Geoff Eigenmann received one. Although it sounds harsh, I think networks have to do it because most celebrities are still often more attractive than the average Juan or Maria. Or Josh or Nicole para susyal! Despite being chubby, they sometimes have difficulty accepting that they’re getting fat. Sometimes they think:
- It’s just that I’m nearing my period—I’m just bloated. But as soon as my monthly period comes my puson would magically disappear.
- I gained weight because I gained muscles. Yeeees naman!!!!
- I’m just constipated. Nagdadalang-tae lang ako.
- E ano naman kung tumaba ako nang konti? Maganda/gwapo pa rin naman ako.
I know the things that run through minds not because I’m a mentalist but because these are also the things that have been running through my mind ever since I gave birth. And my mind is credible because my mind thinks that its owner is also a celebrity. Choz! 😉
But recently I’ve had a rude awakening—I received a fat memos of my own.
Fat Memo 1:
This photo of me last February during the Hot Air Balloon Festival in Clark:
I was aghast when I saw these photos of myself. Grabe. Ang juba-juba ko!!! But of course, I was in denial. I thought to myself: “Ay, mali lang ang porma ko. The rolled up pants cut me ergo I look shorter ergo I look wider.” Although I knew at the back of my mind my black top was supposed to make me slimmer. So I deadma-ed this fat memo.
Fat Memo 2: Muffin Me
Image lifted from jappleaday.com
I started looking like a muffin every time I try to squeeze myself into my old jeans and slacks. And I hate that. I’m not one of those who can deadma the fact that their bulges struggle against my now too-tight jeans (as if screaming: Pakawalan mo ako!!!). I really do not like wearing fitted blouses that tapos may layer-layer sa may tiyan. That’s the reason why I keep on wearing dresses—not that I’m superloyal to Blair Waldorf (who never wore jeans on Gossip Girl); sometimes I also want to channel Sienna Miller. But most of my jeans turn me into a muffin.
Take a look at the jeans and slacks I used to wear pre-pregnancy, vis-a-vis the jean and slacks I now wear:
Pero malay n’yo, busog lang pala ako. And because low-waist ang peg nung Gap. besides, “Long and Lean” model siya. E ‘di ibig sabihin “lean” ako? 😉
Now here are the slacks:
My closet is full of slacks from The Black Shop—they were my wardrobe staple when I haven’t yet working at Brain Train full-time. But last year, I had to buy these black Zara slacks, because none of The Black Shop slacks fit me!!! Why Zara? First, kasi Medium lang ako sa Zara 😉 Why black? Kelangan pa bang i-memorize ‘yan? Natural para payat tingnan!!! And in fairness, I looked slim in these Zara slacks.
And so I had excuses again to ignore Fat Memo #2.
Fat Memo #3: Randy’s Verdict
See, Randy does not really like it when I’m skinny. He wants a wife with a Rubenesque figure. Whenever I complained that I looked fat, he would tell that my fears were unfounded—that I still had a desirable figure and that I was still sexy. He doesn’t want a stick for a wife, he says. Awww…. 🙂
And one of the reasons why I knew he was “the one” was because early in our relationship, he has expressed so much admiration for my thunder thighs. Yes, the thunder thighs I have abhorred ever since I noticed that Disney princesses have slim thighs. The thunder things that caused me not to get caught up in the p3kp3k shorts craze. But he sincerely loved them.
So last week was pure horror. As I was entertaining guests, I noticed Randy looking at me, his eyebrows meeting halfway. He was frowning! I thought, “What could I have done wrong this time?!?”
Not long after he dropped the bombshell:
Sweetheart, grabe ang taba mo na! Bukul-bukol na ang tiyan mo (referring to the salva vida around my waist).
And then I heard a banshee-fied me screaming in my head: Noooooooooooooooo!!! And the background music is the eerie music from Psycho—the “wing, wing wing, wing wing”!
Image lifted from feoamante.com
There’s no more denying it. I’m fat. I hate it, but I’m fat.
Tell me what you think!
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