I feel sad today. It started as a happy day, but things went to a disparate turn when I received an email. I will no longer delve into it as that would make me unhappier, but the cause of my unhappiness reminded me again of something: that parental love—that pure, unconditional love we have for our children—could be the reason why our kids don’t realize their full potentials. Or worse, the reason why they suck at being a good friend, subordinate, spouse, or even a parent.
I’ve read and heard that “a mother’s love for her child is so great and unparalleled, blah-blah-blah” a gazillion times, that such declarations have become trite and unmeaningful for me. Until I became a mom myself. It was then that I realized that the “exagerrated accounts” of a mother’s love were no exaggerations…they may even be suppressions of the greatmess of the miracle of being able to love the way moms love their kids.
You changed my life in a moment, and I’ll never be the same again…
When I became a mom, seeing my one-year old Raviv being told, “You are not our friend!” (by an older girl whose mom did not even berate) pained me more than any heartbreak I have ever experienced.
Seeing him having trouble breathing because of clogged nose made me act as though he had a life-threatening disease.
Seeing him being appreciated by people whose guts I hated made me treasure such people, while seeing him snubbed by people I loved made me hate these peole’s guts.
Indeed, being a parent is nothing short of a miracle. It’s like discovering another compartment in your heart and only your child could unlock and occupy it. Nothing bad can be said about the pureness and nobleness of a mother’s love.
But this same love may also hinder our children from being the best that they could be, as this love makes us overprotective and always biased for our children.
More and more studies have authenticated that children of overprotective parents are risk aversive, have difficulty making decisions, and lack the wherewithal to become successful in life. Furthermore, children of overprotective parents cannot deal adequately with hardships and other frustrations of life. In other words, they have very low tolerance for frustration- they crumble at the first sign of frustration.
– lifted from THIS WEBSITE
If there’s anything good that the email I received yesterday did me, it always reminds me to raise Raviv not just to satisfy my maternal instincts, but for him to satisfy the other roles in his life. It (along with the other instances connected to it) makes me promise that I will raise Raviv in such a way that:
- He honors his commitments.
- He does not easily give up.
- He acknowledges his mistake and owns up to it.
- He knows the world does not revolve around him.
- He knows we will love him no matter what, but there will be times he has to be alone.
It really saddens me to see good kids with great potentials “debackboned” by parents who think that just because it’s their kid, everyone else has to be understanding and make allowances. Anyone who hurts their kids are automatically bad people.
So allow me to give myself a pat on the back for biting my tongue on the two instances I saw Raviv being bullied. It hurt, yes, but like what I said, I always have to remember that (1) Raviv has to learn to deal with problems, and (2) Raviv isn’t always right.
When I realized how much I love my son, I knew I had to rein myself from being an overprotective mom. I would always remind myself that “a diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well”. Let us make our kids extra special by teaching them integrity, honor, honesty, responsibility and independence.
Let us remember that our kid is not just our kid; he/she is also someone’s friend, classmate, and student. Eventually he/she will become a spouse, parent, employee or boss. Our kid being “our kid” is but a speck of all the roles he/she will play in his/her lifetime. And each role has its own challenges whose goal is to make a diamond out of him/her.
Tell me what you think!
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