Raviv and I have been together practically the whole day today. It was a long and exhausting day for both of us, but I’m sure it was even longer and more exhausting for him. I apologize I don’t want to tell you (yet) where we’ve been, all I can say is that it had been physically and emotionally draining for us.
With today’s brouhaha, there were times when I made Raviv feel inadequate. My justification for that? To challenge him to be better, for him to strive harder.
But tonight, seeing my innocent boy sleep peacefully beside me, I’m overwrought with emotions.
By God, it dawned on me how utterly cute and handsome he is (if your opinion is otherwise, I couldn’t care less anymore)! And how smart he is, drawing the most complicated mazes on his Sketcher and pointing out all road signs we came across today while being shuttled from one place to another.
But what made tears form in my eyes the most was the thought of how much he loves me. What he did today, he did to make me happy (and maybe a bit for toys, hehe).
I feel pangs of guilt in my heart. During the time Raviv “let me down” earlier, he just felt so bad. And prior to that he was asking for my help (so he won’t let me down) but I shrugged it off and did something else.
I thank God for nighttime, when the hustle and bustle of mundane things die down and the whispers of things that matter are clearly heard.
Tonight, as I gaze at my handsome, smart and loving boy, I don’t want to ever forget how much pride he has already given me. And I should never cease to be amazed how such a small boy could contain so much unconditional love for a woman who is still just a parody of a mom he deserves to have. Not for one minute, not for any reason.
Because he being he is more than enough. He’s never inadequate, and it is an honor to be the recipient of Raviv’s trust and love. It is a privilege it’s I whom he calls, “Nanay”.