Lately, a friend shared with me her woes. She told me how a seemingly nice person is giving her stress these days by backstabbing her.
I feel her. Backstabbing Negastars are awful, awful people. They’re coward “memas” (as in “Mema-sabi lang”) in sheep’s clothing. I’m sure every one of us have had at least one encounter with their kind. Beware of them.
One of my most memorable encounters with a Negastar when I was new in the workforce. I was bright-eyed, eager, and I sincerely wanted to make a difference. Despite feeling like a fish out of water in that workplace, I tried really hard to fit in. At that time, I was closely working with someone who was several years my senior. She was charming, and everyone seemed to gravitate towards her.
Let’s call her Banana.
Despite noticing Banana’s glaring imperfections, I still adored her and I just turned a blind eye on them. I only felt a twinge of discomfort being with her when she started badmouthing some—no, almost all—of our colleagues and even our partners. I was very uncomfortable because in front of the people she was maligning, she was warm and friendly. She would even lavish them with gifts! But I somehow convinced myself that it was OK for Banana to say these things because those she was maligning were really bad people. Afraid to get out of Banana’s good graces and be among her targets, I would scrutinize the movements of Banana’s targets. I would exaggerate their imperfections in my mind and I would excitedly report them to Banana. Every time I do it, Banana would seem pleased. My friendship with Banana would deepen whenever I whined about them. I thought that my loyalty to Banana would make me immune from her tirades.
I was wrong, of course.
One day I was hanging out with the new blood in the office, my worst fears were confirmed: almusal, tanghalian, hapunan at merienda, ako na nga ang pulutan ngayon!!! Ako na ang usong i-bash. And guess who the Master Chef was! Why, Banana, of course!!! When I heard what she has been saying about me, my blood boiled. For crying out loud, I WAS FREAKING LOYAL TO HER!!!! To the point that I would nitpick the people she hated even when those people were nothing but nice to me!
I was deeply hurt, and then I stopped caring about what Banana thought of me. What for, ‘di ba? I stopped going out of my way to be nice her. Heck, I even stopped talking to her. Then she reached out to me. Hindi nakatiis na may naglakas-loob na kantihin siya. But I didn’t care: My conscience was clear. At siya ang nawalan, hindi ako.
We kissed and made up, but I knew it was just for show. Just like the others before me.
Looking back, I realize I owe Banana something: wisdom.
Because from then on, I became weary of a person who talks behind their friends, bosses or people they should be loyal to, but act like the most charming and understanding person in front of them.
They are nothing but trouble, and your being their ally would mean nothing. You are not immune, I swear. Antay-antay ka ng konti, ikaw naman ang pulutan. Mark my words. So better know the signs!
5 Signs Someone is a Negastar
1. They complain about the most mundane things. Nang patalikod, habitually. Yes, because a whiner has a darker side, that is being a backstabber. This person will begin by sharing his “concerns” with you. Sounds innocuous enough, right? But you should start wondering: “Bakit ako? Hindi naman kami close. ‘Yung inirereklamo n’ya, doon s’ya close. At wala naman akong magagawa sa concern n’ya, ah! So bakit nga ba ako?” And the answer is: Because the goal of a Negastar is not to find a solution, but to spread negativity.
2. He will be your number one ally when you complain. You have a little problem? After you talk to him, feeling mo aping-api ka na at siya lang ang nakakaintindi sa ‘yo. And that’s how you fall in his trap. But later you will realize that since the Negastar lent you his “sympathetic ear”, your burden wasn’t lifted. In fact, it has grown heavier.
3. He loves dwelling on your problems, and never offers a different side of the story. So when you have a problem or a concern, his sentences won’t begin with: “Baka naman na-misinterpret mo lang…” On the contrary, his sentence would begin with, “Kung sa akin ‘yan nangyari…” or “Buti sana kung ganito, ‘di ba?” Basta ma-feel mong inapi ka dapat.
4. He is always miserable. Negastars are miserable people because of the negativity they have in them. Madrama ang buhay nila. They have a lot of problems, most of them, exaggerated. And misery loves company. That’s why read #3 again. Now you know, hindi totoong concerned siya.
5. And last but not the least, things will never be resolved for them. If a negastar kisses and makes up with someone who he thinks wronged him, echos lang ‘yun! Hindi pa ‘yun “THE END”. May “BOOK 2” pa ‘yan, beginning with a blow-by-blow account kung ano’ng pinag-usapan nila sa supposed resolution—kung ano’ng mga mali sa sinabi nung other party, blah blah blah blah. Confrontations are only exciting for Negastars because of the drama. But the resolutions are a letdown for them. Boring ng walang bina-bash eh!
I’ve encountered many other Negastars after Banana (heck, I’m sure I’ve also been a Negastar! For that I apologise, and I am sincerely sorry). A few got to me, but I’m glad that since I know the warning signs, I was able to shake them off my life and not fall into their traps.
If a negastar is befriending or has befriended you, or is trying to enter your life, run for your life! I guarantee your life will be better without him. Or her. Tested, proven, guaranteed!
If you are a negastar, ‘Teh, magbago ka na. Being happy and being miserable are choices and not situations. If at first ikaw ang bida, smart people will eventually realize you’re not welcome in their lives.
And to my friend who is being badmouthed by a Negastar, DEADMADELA! Don’t be sad, hindi ikaw ang nawalan. Siya.