I’m currently with Raviv—he’s having soccer training while I’m at the waiting area, blogging. 🙂 I could have stayed at home to be more productive, but then, I miss blogging!!!! And I’m making up for lost time with Raviv. He insisted that I stay with him during his training.
The past months have been incredibly busy that we couldn’t empty our schedule even for Raviv’s graduation (good thing it was scheduled in the evening!) Our routine was we leave home to a sleeping Raviv at 5 a.m. and return home doggone tired at 5 p.m.
I would feel guilty, but I’d be reminded that it’s not permanent anyway, and there’s a time for everything. The past three months required Randy and me to focus on our work, but we just had to remind ourselves that we could focus on being parents for the rest of the year naman. So we shouldn’t feel guilty.
When I was single, I was annoyed at colleagues who used the “I’m-a-parent-card” to have less workload, to be tardy, or to be irresponsible. Of course I became more understanding when I became a parent myself, because being a parent is so overwhelming and tiring pala talaga. But in the past months, I needed to remind myself that the parents of our students entrusted their children’s learning to us. How would I feel ‘di ba, if Raviv’s teacher balked over the littlest things? So over and over again, I told myself: This, too, shall pass. Hehe.
And it’s not as though napabayaan naman talaga si Raviv. He may not have been as pampered as he was prior to summer, but his safety and health were not neglected. In fact, I’m glad that he was “forced” to experience the following:
1. Ride the school service. School year in Raviv’s school was August-June. During summer, wiped out lahat ng sasakyan namin—as in each one of them was fully utilized every freaking day. Kulang pa nga. So we had no choice but to avail of the school service. It’s a “sacrifice” because Raviv had to leave home significantly earlier and arrive home significantly later than usual. Ganun nga pala ‘yun ‘pag naka-school service—it’s not all about you kasi. Hehe. There were other students who needed to be picked-up, waited, dropped off, etc. There may be times din siguro na siksikan, maingay at mainit sa service. Thinking about it, parang nakakaawa si Raviv. But as I’ve said, I’m glad he experienced it.
2. Walk for a long time under the heat of the summer sun. Because Randy and I were busy, we also made Raviv busy this summer. Aside from school from Monday to Friday, he was also attending art classes once a week, Kumon 2x a week, and soccer training 2x a week. While he had a service going to school, he had none in going to those extracurricular activities. Especially in going to Kumon. The distance of Kumon from our house is alanganin—it’s a 15-minute walk from behind our subdivision. If Raviv goes out of the in front of the subdivision to ride a jeep, he’d have to walk for 5-7 minutes din. Tapos baka ma-traffic pa. So walking is the practical choice. ‘Yun lang, his Kumon schedule last summer was 10:30-11:15 a.m. Kasagsagan ng init ng araw in walking to and from Kumon! Raviv’s caregiver said that my son initially complained, but accepted his fate later. Hehe.
As for his other activities, he also needs to walk for at least 5 minutes before he could go out of the subdivision where there are PUVs, so he could…
3. …use public transportation. Yeeees guys! Raviv’s yaya proudly told me that Raviv is already an expert sa pagpara ng jeep and tricycle. At marunong na rin daw makipagsiksikan sa jeep! It makes us proud, because Raviv has this tendency to be a pushover, and of letting strangers have their way because he’s clueless what to do in a setting that isn’t contained or he isn’t familiar with.
4. Learn about the value of work. When I was new in the work force and I would complain about work to my mom, I didn’t get her sympathy. Instead, she would tell me that that’s the way it is. It is what it is—WORK. It’s not called a vacation or a hobby. It’s WORK. It’s supposed to be difficult and inconvenient, and yes, you’re expected to make sacrifices. These past months, we would tell Raviv we couldn’t stay with him because of work. He would sulk and declare, “I hate your students!” But I know that subconsciously, we have planted the seed of responsibility into his mind. He would overhear conversations that we are tired, but we need to work. That we want to do something else, but we are committed to something. That even when we’re under the weather, we just couldn’t leave our responsibilities behind.
One may argue that what we do—being committed to work—might backfire because Raviv will hate work. Nah, I don’t think so. As I’ve said, there’s a time for everything. Parenting took a backseat for 3 months, but now we’re back on track. It’s time that Raviv is our #1 priority again, and it’s going to be that way for the rest of the year. Raviv needs to learn that aside from Randy and me being his parents, we also play different roles. And we also need to take those roles seriously.
Before summer, I started to get worried that Raviv may be too spoiled. Everything seems to be handed to him on a silver platter. One “I’m bored” statement from Raviv, and Randy would bend over backwards to make sure he’s entertained. One scrape on his knee and I would fret right away.
I was scared he would grow up with sense of entitlement. Problem is that when parents can afford it and when we have a choice, we always choose to make things easy for our children. Bawal mainitan, bawal madapa, bawal masaktan, bawal mapagod, bawal magutom, bawal marumihan, bawal magmukhang kawawa. Because if something bad happens, we will blame ourselves.
Thing is, even if we hover over our children 24/7, something bad is still bound to happen. And one of the worst things that might happen is we raise them to be entitled. Someone who always expects to be understood; someone who thinks that the world revolves around his problems.
I realize now that when parenting took a backseat last summer, Randy and I were still being parents. Being great parents, in fact. By cultivating the other facets of our life, we have begun to push Raviv out of his comfort zone.
Last summer during one of my rare days off, I watched Raviv put on a cap and backpack, and walked to Kumon under the scorching heat of the sun. The sight made me wistful—for every step he made under the scorching summer heat, I knew that’s a step away from a sense of entitlement.
“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”- Denis Waitley