It’s the Grand Finals of The Voice Kids, and all the people in our house are glued on the boob tube. It’s not that I’m not interested to watch, but I’ve never really been super hooked on any singing contests. I would have watched, if not for the fact that I’m in a somber mood. There’s something I’ve been sooo looking forward to the past month that I feel won’t materialize anymore, and I honestly feel like crying. So idinadaan ko na lang sa blogging. Don’t worry guys this doesn’t affect my health or my family. It’s business-related.
Aside from that, I’ve been feeling down na rin talaga the past months. My mind is swimming with a lot of concerns, although I’m trying to kick and drown those that I think I will not be able to solve no matter how much I overthink. Concerns like, “What if I or Randy die early—what would happen to Raviv?” ‘Yung mga ganun. ‘Di ba wala naman akong magagawa dun? Although worrying about that made me do something wise this month: I finally got a PruLife life and/or health insurance and/or investment. Randy got from Sun Life last year, so ako PruLife naman. I finally decided to get one because of the depressing death and deadly diseases news I get on my Facebook News Feeds regularly. My PruLife plan is more hospitalization-centric; I’m preparing for when I get sick. Two of my aunts on my mother side have/had cancer, so cancer seems to be in our genes. Katakot. So if (God please ‘wag naman po!) I get cancer, I don’t want to scrimp on my hospitalisation. At least I won’t think twice about getting the best medical care because I’ll have an ample budget for my recovery, ‘di ba? And when I don’t get sick, the money I invested would be earning naman.
Another thing that really bugs me is the lack of reliable help. Na-rant ko na ito two blogposts ago. I couldn’t help but miss Alona and wish that Isay and Dodong were still childless. My domesticated diva mojo has gone already, simply because it’s so tiring to give instructions to new helpers every so often. And I also dread seeing our helpers’ kapalpakan because that would definitely get me more depressed. Or angry. So when I’m home, I no longer try to cook or decorate or make kalkal.
Then there’s my poor self-image these days. I’m seriously not fishing for any compliments, but I really feel that I’ve lost “it” already. Wala na, ang pangit ko na. Notice I haven’t been posting my own Wardrobe Diaries for so long. That’s because…’yun nga, adwang-adwa na ako sa ichura ko. When I see recent photos of me, I just want to delete them right away. I have gained so much weight already, as in my jeans are already very tight. I’ve also lost interest getting dressed up because no matter what I wear, I know I’d look fat in them. But what’s even more depressing is that I just feel so tired and jaded that I seem not to care. I am—or I WAS—very vain.
Way, way, wayback throwback. Dear Waistline: When will I see you again?
So the fact that I’m somehow just “accepting” my weight gain means there’s something very wrong with me. I haven’t even shopped for new clothes in months!!!
To add insult to the injury, my crow’s feet seem to be getting worse. It used to be that only my left eye had them. But now, I’m getting them in my right eye as well. And the circumference is getting bigger.
Why I’m smiling less often now
I blame it on sleeping on my tummy and side. I should sleep on my back, but I love hugging my boys and pillow that’s why I can’t sleep on my back. Dermatologists tell me that the solution is Botox, but after seeing the pretty face of Renee Zellweger distorted partly because of Botox, wag na lang.
Image lifted from www.express.co.uk
Hahahay. This could be overfatigue on my part, or just plain period problems (second day today) talking. But I’m glad to say that after typing away these concerns, I feel a lot better now. Maybe I just really missed blogging and being with my longtime friends. Blogging and being with my longtime friends bring out the lighter side of me all the time. These days with work and the pressure of perfecting everything, “MissMinchin” ang peg ko eh—utos-utos, serious-serious. ‘Yung ganun. Hindi ako sanay. I’m more used to saying and doing silly things and just laughing frequently. I think Randy misses the irresponsible and petiks mode sides of me, too, kahit hindi niya aminin. I think it’s one of the main reasons why the thing I was talking about probably will not materialize. Because if it does, lalo akong magiging Ms. Minchin.
At dahil nag-lighten na ako nang konti (thanks blog!), I have another kaloka kwento nga pala: last week, we had a maid applicant named Josie. Josie worked for us for five days, but it didn’t work out. Pa’ano ba naman, on the first ever day that we were in Los Banos (after four days in Sta. Rosa), she arrived at our house at 11 a.m. Traffic daw (uhm, galing lang din naman siya sa Los Banos…) This was the day I ranted on my blog about our helpers. She just had lunch and then later she told Isay she wanted to leave before 3 p.m., kesho may a-attend-an na meeting daw. In fairness she didn’t have the gall to ask my permission to do that. Then at 5 p.m., she said she had to go because she didn’t bring clothes. What the?!? She knew she’s a stay-in maid, and yet she didn’t bring a change of clothing?!? I told her I’ll just lend her my clothes, and that she shouldn’t leave because Isay will be left alone again. But nooooooo. She still left. Sabi ba naman daw, “Wala silang magagawa kung gusto kong umalis.” #Pabebe?!? The following day, Josie returned, but I had Isay tell her that she’s no longer welcome. We just gave her wages, and we parted amicably. Then Isay told me later that she’s glad I fired Josie because Josie was really lazy and was always complaining. Our other maid, Joy, agreed with Isay that indeed Josie wasn’t a good addition. Worse, Josie’s even a bad influence to our other maid Aira who befriended her. She was “encouraging” Aira to be as lazy as she was, and to be hostile to Isay and Joy who were very diligent. Fast track to today. An unidentified number was calling my phone. I answered. [Read more…]