Before February ends, I want to share with you what I have learned about love in the past years. I am in my guru mood, so pagbigyan n’yo na.
Disclaimer muna: I’m no love expert—I hold no psychology degree, I don’t avidly attend seminars about love or relationships (never did)…heck, I don’t even read self-help books on love and relationships (or any book from the Self-Help Section in particular)! And Randy and I still have regular shouting matches and cold wars.
Now what gives me the credibility to talk about love? Because I have been in love with the same man for more than a decade, and I know he has been with me for a longer period of time (lagot siya sa akin kung hindi!) It’s still a relatively short period of time for many, but it’s also a long period of time for some. So for whatever it’s worth, I want to share with you things that I’ve learned about love for the past years, which I deem are nuggets of wisdom. I’ll do away with the pa-awwww and pa-witty definitions of love. Andaling i-Google ng mag yun. But what I’ll be sharing with you are my personal realizations about love. These are from the heart, from humbling and humiliating moments, through tears and laughters.
1. Love can’t exist without respect. Have you ever experienced being in love with someone and yet you still fantasize about cheating? I did. In retrospect, I realized that I was like that because I did not respect the person I was in a relationship with. I just felt I was in love, but because I did not respect them, I still had wandering eyes and wondering mind. Of course those relationships miserably failed. With Randy though, I would feel guilty and feel really bad when I cheat on him—get this—in my dreams! Alam n’yo ‘yung sa panaginip n’yo may ginawa kayong kalokohan and in that same dream I would cry and feel anguish and fear because darn—I cheated on Randy! Ganun. That’s how I respect him and yes, fear him. I guess I respected Randy because at the onset, I knew he wasn’t in this relationship just for fun. I knew he was in it for the long haul, and he was a great catch that I didn’t want to do anything to ruin our relationship.
2. To stay in love is a decision and a commitment. This is what many fail to realize. You know when I was young, I used to believe that when the person I’m in a relationship with falls in love with another person, I have to let go without any anger. In fact, I felt I had no right to get angry because hello—that’s what he feels, ‘di ba? Mako-control ba ang feelings?!? Well, the answer is, “Yes.” I guess the “decision” part takes a certain level of maturity, that’s why immature young ones should stay away from getting married. And when you are in a committed relationship and you respect the person you’re in the relationship with, you actually decide to stay in love. We should not rely on our “feelings”, because they’re very unstable. Haller, I’ve felt like punching Randy and pulling out his hair and kicking his butt hundreds of times already. I’m sure he felt the same way too, thousands of times pa! There were also times we considered separating because we just hated each other so much! But here we still are. Why? Because we want to make our relationship work. We both do. We know that the hatred we feel toward each other is fleeting, and if we let our feeling of being annoyed rule over us, we wouldn’t have lasted even for a month. Remember, the head is above the heart. If you let your feelings rule over your sensibilities and commitments, please don’t ever get married. The hot-and-heavy aka honeymon period doesn’t last forever, keep that in mind! And when it ends, marriage isn’t something you chunk almost without a fight and just say, “OK I made a mistake, but I deserve to be free and have a chance at happiness again.” [Read more…]