To all who greeted me on my birthday, thank you so much. You just don’t know how much each greeting meant to me.
Or do you know want to know how precious each one was?
Like what I said in one of my previous posts, I really wasn’t expecting much of my birthday. And that was true, especially because exactly a week from my birthday, the brother of one of my employees passed away. Of course, it was expected that she’d be absent for a week or so. As usual, ngarag uli. Last week—just like my weeks the past months—was bustling with activities especially because one of our main teachers was absent. Then may drama pa ‘yung new teacher aide ko. I was too stressed that I discontinued my diet and started binge-eating. I’m a stress eater kasi. I’m fat and bloated when I’m stressed. I eat my way to temporary happiness.
My birthday was a holiday, that meant we were be in Los Banos on that day. But my mind was too busy thinking of how we’d survive the week without the teacher on leave that I no longer thought about any birthday parties. Randy was asking me what we’ll do on my birthday. I told him I was too exhausted to plan my birthday, so we’ll just keep it simple: on the day before my birthday, I just wanted to eat crab at Claw Daddy Nuvali, and then buy shoes after. And so we did that on Thursday.
Brief review about Claw Daddy, Nuvali (it’s the sister company of The Red Crab): In my opinion, this restaurant is so underrated. I wonder why it isn’t patronized that much. I love almost everything about Claw Daddy in Nuvali: courteous and accommodating staff, excellent ambiance (rustic and nostalgic), fantastic view (lakeside), and let’s not get started on the uber delicious crab dishes! It just smells a bit musky inside, but save for that, it’s perfect!
If you’re a crustacean lover, this is the best place to eat! It makes eating crabs worry free. Look:
From the apron that protects your clothes from the inevitable talsik to the gadgets and gizmos in crushing the crab shells and sundot-ing the meat from the narrowest point; to the bucket where you could easily dispose the shells without crowding your plate and the table; and to the hot towel that they would give you after your meal to remove the lansa from your hands and mouth. And again, let me reiterate that the crab dishes I’ve tasted are really yummy! So far, I’ve tasted Crab Maritess and Szechuan Crab (twice each). Both are incredibly delicous, but both Randy and I prefer Szechuan.
I can’t wait to try out the other crab dishes there!
After that, we proceeded to Res Toe Run. I’ve wanted to buy canvas shoes for the longest time. Those who know me probably can’t believe that I’ve been eyeing canvas shoes, because I’m a heels girl (especially now that I’ve gained weight). But because my work at Gymboree requires me to wear socks all the time (and because there was a time when I was too lazy to remove my socks that I just wore my wedge sandals on top of my socks outside Gymboree and the person I met outside was surreptitiously looking at such a baduy ensemble), I surrendered to the heed of comfy canvas shoes. Good thing Wakai shoes were on sale at Res Toe Run. They were on super sale that I bought two lovely and comfy pairs!
Each pair cost only Php920, more 50% slashed off the original price
After that, we went to Los Banos. The following morning, Randy woke me by kissing me and greeting me a happy birthday. Through a haze, I thought I saw balloons on the ceiling and for a brief moment I thought I was in for a treat that day. But when I rubbed my eyes and was fully awake, I realized that the balloons were just a mirage. I turned to my phone. No “Happy Birthday” messages. I also checked my two Facebook accounts. No “Happy Birthday” posts on my timeline, either. I told myself it was nothing, because I chose not to share my birthday to the public. That it was my birthday was visible only to me. Though at the back of my mind, I was secretly wishing that my “friends” on Facebook still knew it’s my special day, somehow.
Then I went through the usual stuff I do on my rare days off: read some articles on my iPhone, prepared breakfast, fed Raviv. As I was feeding Raviv, I suddenly had the willies and asked myself, “Will I really feel this unspecial on the day that I’m supposed to feel special? Will I really spend it just running after Raviv, amidst people who don’t care a hoot about making me feel special today?”
Tears started to well, and I retreated to our bedroom. Randy followed after a while, and asked me what was wrong. Of course I replied with the perfunctory “Wala”, though I secretly hoped he’d probe further, which he did. And then the dam broke. I told him how unhappy I was that no one seemed to care for me anymore. I told him I even sank so low to the point of making my birthday visible in one of my Facebook accounts, just so some people would spend three seconds and type the generic “Happy birthday!” or even one second to type, “HBD” to make me feel special. I told him I was tired of planning everyone else’s despedida and birthday parties…puro surprise at last minute pa (you know how tiring and stressful surprise and last-minute parties are, right?)! And then on my special day, waley. He said he thought I just wanted crabs and shoes, just as I said. I said, “I thought so too!” And then I just cried more. He hugged me and apologized for not being more discerning. Although after the hug he told me I was like Sharon Cuneta—blessed but depressed. I said that yes, probably. Basta marami pang pangaral sa akin si Randy about counting my blessings and I honestly, I agreed with them all. I may be unreasonable, but all I could tell him was that I couldn’t control how I feel, and that’s how I felt. I said I’m just so freaking tired everyday, especially because I don’t have a day off (except when there’s a holiday). I blamed my weight gain to the fact that I have to wear the same boring clothes everyday that I honestly have forgotten how to porma thus I no longer had any motivation to watch my figure. He told me he’ll throw me a party since it was still early anyway, but I told him I never entertained the thought because let’s face it: the people who used to make my birthdays a lot of fun have moved on, just as we did. We lead very different lives now, and I think I’d feel more unspecial if all of them would just play the, “I’m sorry we can’t” or “Sorry busy kasi” card on me after I would slave the whole day cooking food. The excuses could be valid reasons, yes, but still I’d be hurt.
(In case you didn’t know, we are at a transition period right now. Our Los Banos home used to be so alive with people—we used to have parties almost every two weeks. Now, it is chillingly quiet and almost everyone is new. Moreover, since my business is new, my team and I are working extra hard to ensure we give our clients their money’s worth. Plus since we also live in Sta. Rosa City for most of the week, we are also adjusting to our new environment).
Looking back, I regret having that outburst because it stressed out Randy. I’m crying again right now because I am so touched remembering how my husband wanted me to be happy. He would go from hugging me to scolding me, then asking me what I wanted (“Gusto mo ibili na kita ng pinakamahal talagang bag? Mag-shopping spree ka gusto mo?”), to blaming himself for not knowing me enough. Bottomline is, he just wants me to be happy and he seems he can’t live with himself to see me unhappy.
During my drama anthology, I told him that it seems I really needed affirmation from other people that I’m special. I need to be around friends and other people. [Read more…]